||[Aug. 31st, 2006|05:54 pm]
If there's one thing I truly missed in California, far more than the melancholic English weather, and my peaceful pre-Buffy existence, that's Indian cuisine. That's why I'm something of a regular at the Cinnamon Club.
I postpone ordering, while I wait for Lilah. I have a feeling that she's going to come. Not for me, of course. If she were attracted to me, she'd surely stay away. She is the type to do that, if I'm any judge. She will come, because it's in her interest, in her company's interest to come.
I hate to admit it, but I'm afraid. Afraid to play it so close to the edge. I can be tempted. I know that. I'm afraid I shan't even notice sliding into the other side. I know myself enough to know that if I see a sign that she can be saved, I'll try to save her. That would prove to be a greatest weakness than the lust for power that I buried all those years ago.
She's beautiful, and I think she's lost the way. I hope I'll have the strength to let go or run away before it's too late.
I can't say I pity her admission that she has no funny stories. She chose the side long ago.
"Then I'll keep the story about the time when the whole town started singing for another time," I tell her over the wine glass. "Some of them are dead now. Anya and Tara... I moved back to London so I can forget some of the people I loved and lost there. Ever since I met you here, I've been thinking about them a lot more. Doesn't make me a very cheery date."
I look over the vampires' table. They're gone.
"Do you think it's a good thing?" I ask, pointing with my chin toward the empty table.
I smiled as he mentioned another story about his little band of misfits. "Sounds like your work back in Sunnydale was never boring." I said before refilling my wine glass.
I looked at him as he said a few of them were dead now. "Yeah that's something I've had more than enough experience with. More than I'd have liked actually.." I sighed and drank some of the wine.
I didn't mean I had expierence with it because of my line of work. No my expierence with death started much earlier. I still think about it some nights,when I've been too wired from work to try and get any sleep.
Those few times I do allow myself to think about the night I lost my father,it feels like yesterday to me. Even though it's been years now since then. I looked back at him. "Trust me as far as dates go I've had much worse."
I took a quick glance behind him at the table, to find the vamps gone. "Might be" I shrugged.
We have one thing in common, then, I note privately when she says she had more experience than she'd like with death. She seems to have meant more than her work, but I don't feel very charitable now and I assume she's had more experience since she started working for Wolfram and Hart.
The bit about this being a date just slipped me. I'm not surprised that she picked up on it. I'm apprehensive that she agreed to the term. I'm double guessing myself again. If she means it, if she does see this as nothing more than a social occasion, then I'm a cad for taking advantage of her loneliness. If she does it to trap me, I should be glad, meaning my plan's working. I don't know which I'd prefer, and that scares me a little. It would make things easier if she did like me. Or would it?
I have no idea how long I've been silent. I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable enough for the both of us.
I try not to babble much for the rest of the evening. It feels a bit like I reversed direction. Like I'm trying to make her not like me. I keep the conversation on mundane matters. I don’t aim to bore her, but I'm beginning to worry that if I get her into my life, I'd be out of my depth. She's not a magical being I can blast into nothingness if she's hostile. She has the intelligence and the connections to trap me beyond my ability to escape.
We leave the restaurant in companionable silence. I catch a glance of us in one of the full length mirrors of the lobby. We make a fairly suitable couple. It's somewhat of a surprise because every time I look at her I feel old and ugly compared to perfect beauty, and her youth. I don't look as bad as I feel.
I sense the vampires a little too late. That is, when they're both in front of us. Something in their stance leads me to believe that they're very young. We might still get away. I nod at them, taking a half step in front of Lilah, my stake already in hand.
"Are you sure about this?" I ask them, not quite willing to play the hero.
Their response is to attack me. I don't have Slayer instincts. I get hit severely before I manage to dust one of them. I'm trying to pick myself off the floor when the second vampire lunges for Lilah. I grab his foot before he reaches her.
The rest of the night went by in almost a blur. Normally everything we talked about, would've bored the hell out me. Tonight though I didn't mind it at all,in fact I think I actually enjoyed myself more than I have in years.
Rupert Giles is by far the least uninteresting man I've had the pleasure, of meeting in a long time. Which considering some of the people I know, is saying something. After we finished dinner, i followed him out to the parking lot.
The silence isn't botheringme,like it usually would. Which is a nice welcomed change. I noticed he looked in one of the lobby mirrors at our reflections as we walked by. I'm about to comment on it as we finally get to the parking lot. I didn't get the chance to though.
Because next thing I know those two vampires from before are standing in front of us. You know I'm really begining to hate, not being able to go out and have one decent social outing,without it being inturupted by demons.
I watched Giles as he stepped in front of me a bit. I moved so that i was standing next to him instead. What is it about these watcher types,or men for that matter thinking they need to play hero?
I listened to him ask them if they were sure they wanted to do. The taller slightly smarter looking one, looked me over and smiled. He then turned back to Giles. 'Oh yeah we're sure.' They both lunged at Giles.
I quickly tried to move out of the way, as I watched giles get hit pretty bad a few times,before he finally managed to stake one. I winced a little as he hit the floor.
The second one was grining stupidly as he started to come after me. He only made it about a mere few inches,before falling at my feet. I looked down at him,then at giles who was still on the ground,holding the vamp back. I took out my small vile of holy water out of my purse,and dumped it on the vamp's face.
"You know I'm getting really tired of your kind ruining my perfectly good night. Why can't you go find someone else to bother. You know some poor innocent who doesn't have a fucking clue what you are?" The vamp was clutching at his face and whimpering in pain.
I took the stake from where it had fallen on the ground. I picked it up and staked the bastard,before looking at Giles. "Damn vampires.." I muttered,as I waited for him to get up off the floor. "So what now?"